If you have ever been pregnant I can guarantee someone in your life, or even a complete stranger has said something to you that has made you want to punch them in the face! It’s unfortunately inevitable, especially from people who have never been pregnant and even people who have. Let’s run down the top 10 things not to say to a pregnant woman. If you are pregnant, I suggest you share this with your circle, it might save you from hearing some of these things!
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#1 You’re Huge! Are you sure you’re not having twins? Your baby is going to be big!
This is number one on the list for a reason. It’s the most common and most cringe worthy comment a pregnant woman receives. Never ever… did I say ever, tell a women how big she is. Even if she has tripled or quadrupled in size. A pregnant woman’s body changes extremely fast and her self image is usually distorted. She has little control if any over how much weight she gains, everyone is different, so just don’t.
#2 Sleep now, while you still can!
While this is normally said with the best of intentions, it’s not helpful. A huge life change is about to happen and anxiety is likely going to be a part of pregnancy, some people have a hard time settling to sleep with all of the uncertainty running through their heads, not to mention pregnancy insomnia. New parents have zero concept of the pure exhaustion coming their way and pointing out future struggles is really just mean. Let her enjoy her blissful ignorance while she can.
#3 I think you’re having a girl/boy because…
People love guessing baby’s gender and for those who decide not to find out the guessing is relentless. While guessing in general isn’t a bad thing, most people will judge the gender based on how mom’s body looks. Carrying high means a boy, carrying low means a girl. If you are wide it’s a girl, or straight out front it’s a boy. If your face is looking haggard it’s a girl because she takes your beauty. Seriously??? None of this is scientific and to be honest it’s just hurtful. Pregnant women have enough to worry about without the constant judgement on how she looks.
#4 Horror stories about your own labour and delivery.
Yayy, one of your friends is pregnant and you want to share everything with her. It’s understandable, but please save your war stories for after she has her baby. Closer to the end of pregnancy the thought of giving birth is terrifying. You have no clue what’s going to happen, and all you know is that it’s going to hurt like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Women need confidence and encouragement. Talk about labour and postpartum support instead of how many stitches you had or if your c-section scar still hurts 5 years later.
#5 Are you going to breastfeed?
First thing’s first, how in the hell is she supposed to know this? Secondly, it’s none of your business! Everyone say it with me, fed is best, fed is best, fed is best! There are so many factors that go along with breast/bottle feeding. Baby’s latch, tongue tie, you have a premie, you experience nipple damage, your mental health is suffering. All things that a pregnant woman will not figure out until after baby is born. This topic is off limits.
#6 Are you going to sleep train?
This question is usually followed up with either, ‘You 100% have to, it saved my life’ or ‘You could cause serious attachment and development issues if you do’. Every parent and baby are different, asking a pregnant woman, especially a first time mom to predict her child and families needs is unrealistic. Not to mention she has enough to think about at the moment, like growing a human being!
#7 You have that pregnancy glow.
While this is usually said with the best intentions, it just reminds mom of the 20 minutes she spent vomiting in the office bathroom this morning. Or the sweat dripping down her back, or the pain in her hips from carrying around the extra 20-40+lbs that is leaving her flushed.
#8 Was it planned?
Can of worms! This is such a personal question that might hit home. Do you want to hear about the one night stand that went wrong? Or maybe this is a rainbow baby. Or maybe she struggled for years with infertility. Just leave this question out, please!
#9 The due date is inconvenient for me, I hope you go early/late.
Hahaha, Yes this actually happens. Especially if your baby is due around the holidays or a long weekend. Believe it or not she didn’t plan her pregnancy around your schedule. Babies are born every day of the year, get over it. If the birth of a baby in your life is an inconvenience maybe you should rethink your involvement in that babies life. Wishing for a baby to be born early or late so you can enjoy a family dinner or go on holidays is selfish and dangerous. Gestation is a specific length for a reason.
#10 Do you think you should be eating/drinking that?
Lunch meat, soft cheese, sushi, hotdogs, the list of things women can’t do during pregnancy is long and sometimes difficult to maintain. Leave this one to the woman, her doctor and her intuition. Unless she is drinking a bottle of wine a day, don’t judge her and just keep your comments to yourself.
So, what should you say to a pregnant woman? Here it is, are you ready??
You look amazing!
You are doing a fantastic job!
I’m so happy for you!
You are going to be a great mom!
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